There is currently minimal evidence around how couples’ sexual relationships are affected by pregnancy loss. Natalie Rosen Clinical Psychologist and Associate Professor, Departments of Psychology and Obstetrics & Gynaecology, and David B. Allsop, completing his PhD in Experimental Psychology at Dalhousie University, Nova Scotia, Canada, are undertaking a study to share with potential participants. They also summarise tips for helping couples cope after pregnancy loss.
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How Midwives Can Support Couples After Pregnancy Loss: Tips for Healing and Information About a New Study
Surprise. Isolation. Heartbreak.
These are some of the common feelings individuals and couples have after a pregnancy loss. Excitement about the future can be replaced with pain and grief. Pregnancy loss can affect many parts of a couples’ life. Most of what we know about how people cope after pregnancy loss has come from research talking to the person who experienced the loss. But of course, pregnancy loss affects their intimate partners, too.
Sex after loss: Little is Known, and We Need Your Help
One area where couples lack support after pregnancy loss is their sexuality. Despite the benefits of a strong and satisfying sexual relationship for overall relationship quality and mental and physical health [1], we know very little about how sexual relationships are affected by a pregnancy loss and what might protect couples’ sexual relationships after a loss occurs. This leaves couples, midwives, physicians, and therapists in the dark on how best to support positive sexual relationships after pregnancy loss.
We, at the Couples and Sexual Health Research laboratory at Dalhousie University (Nova Scotia, Canada), need your help to fill this gap in knowledge.
We are currently recruiting couples to participate in the ALOE study, which stands for Acknowledging Loss Outcomes and Experiences.
The study involves completing confidential online surveys about pregnancy loss, sexuality and relationships, and mental health. To be eligible, one person in the couple must have experienced a pregnancy loss in the last four months, both members of the couple must agree to participate and have been in a relationship with each other for over a year. The couple cannot be receiving fertility treatment. Financial compensation will be provided.
We hope you will consider sharing the study so that we can learn how to better support couples after a pregnancy loss.
To participate or learn more, couples can visit tinyurl.com/aloe-study or email the researchers at [email protected].
In the meantime, what can midwives do to help couples cope? Here are three things to consider, based on scientific research.
- Couples are Not Alone
Couples can take comfort in knowing that they are not alone when facing a pregnancy loss. Nearly 25% of women have a pregnancy loss at least once in their lifetime [2]. This means that couples likely have family members or friends who can relate to what they are going through. And beyond those in their inner circle, there are many Facebook, Instagram, and other social media groups where those affected by pregnancy loss gather and support one another. Research suggests that supportive family and friends can provide healing after pregnancy loss [3]. Couples do not have to go through a pregnancy loss alone; midwives can encourage couples to turn to those around them, virtually or literally, for support.
- Time Brings Healing
You may have heard the saying that there is no timetable for grief. It is true that everyone grieves at their own pace. However, research tells us that grief after pregnancy loss follows a general pattern. Grief tends to be highest right after a loss and declines somewhat until about six months post-loss. After that, it tends to remain at about the same level over the next several months [4]. This doesn’t mean that couples will not be grieving six months after their loss. It does mean, however, that they may find that time does indeed bring healing as grief lessens.
- Reaching Out to a Partner – and Being There for Them Too
Research consistently tells us that people who have a strong relationship with their partner tend to be happier. This is partly because a satisfying and intimate relationship with a partner brings physical and mental health benefits to couples [1].
A pregnancy loss can put stress on the relationship because partners might be coping with their disappointment in different ways [2]. Midwives can encourage individuals coping with a loss to reach out to their partner (or close friend) and tell them what kind of support they need (and ask what they need to), whether it is emotional (e.g., talking about it) or something more physical (e.g., help around the house, or doing something active together). Couples tend to feel happier and more satisfied with their relationship when both partners show that they understand and accept where their partner is at when faced with stressful situations [5]. Doing something that one’s partner will appreciate without being asked, like planning a date, renting their favourite movie, or offering a massage is one way both partners can support each other after a pregnancy loss. As appropriate after a pregnancy loss, midwives can encourage these relationship-building behaviours by discussing the physical and mental health benefits of strong relationships and by sharing examples of what partners can do to support one another.
References
- Impett, E.A., et al., Sexuality in the context of relationships, in APA handbook of sexuality and psychology, Vol. 1: Person-based approaches., D.L. Tolman, et al., Editors. 2014, American Psychological Association. p. 269-315.
- Diamond, D.J., et al., Understanding and treating the psychosocial consequences of pregnancy loss, in The Oxford Handbook of Perinatal Psychology, A. Wenzel, Editor. 2016, Oxford University Press: New York, NY.
- Randolph, A.L., et al., Counseling Women Who Have Experienced Pregnancy Loss: A Review of the Literature. Adultspan Journal, 2015. 14(1).
- Tseng, Y.F., et al., Grief reactions of couples to perinatal loss: A one‐year prospective follow‐up. J. Clin. Nurs., 2017. 26(23-24).5. Sandberg, J.G., et al., The brief accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement (BARE) scale: a tool for measuring attachment behavior in couple relationships. Fam. Process, 2012. 51(4).
Natalie O. Rosen PhD: Dr. Natalie O. Rosen is a Clinical Psychologist and Associate Professor in the Departments of Psychology and Obstetrics & Gynaecology at Dalhousie University, Nova Scotia, Canada. Her research focuses on understanding how couples cope with sexual problems or changes to their sexual relationship and translating that knowledge into evidence-based interventions. Dr. Rosen also maintains a small private practice focused exclusively on sex and couple therapy.
David B. Allsop MSc., CFLE: David B. Allsop is completing his PhD in Experimental Psychology at Dalhousie University under the supervision of Dr. Rosen. His interests include couples’ sexuality in long term relationships, especially during times of stress such as following a pregnancy loss.
September 2022